A Techie Take on Relationships
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in
overall system performance – particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and
Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but N/A.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
———————–
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an
Operating System. Please enter the command: ‘I Thought You Loved Me.exe’ and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Passive
Aggressive Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that
will download the Snoring Loudly beta interface with circular reference loop capability.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that
will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot
learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good luck,
Tech Support
Open Marriage, Then and Now
In response to the announcement about the upcoming “Intimacies” Discussion Group on Open relationships with author Jenny Block, I got this email:
“Interesting topic.
“One word-nerd suggestion: perhaps note then that the original Open Marriage book advocated freedom in interests and communication, but not sexuality? At least that’s my recollection from reading it, -years- back. My thought is that the author’s intended meaning/vocabulary has shifted in popular culture, to including, perhaps even being primarily interpreted, as multiple sexual/emotional relationships. At least “show and tell” the old book’s cover could be an interesting beginning to “class” <g>. Thoughts?
“best,
(name withheld on request)”
I asked Jenny for a response and she sent this:
“Thank you so much for your email. The book you are referring to, “Open Marriage” by Nena O’Neill and George O’Neill, was indeed much more about freedom in terms of communication, interests, and maintaining one’s individuality within a marriage. It does, however, devote one chapter to the subject of sex. In it, the O’Neills say some wonderful things about jealousy being a “learned response” and presumed sexual ownership of a partner being the demise of many a marriage. They explain that “Man (and we mean both sexes) is not sexually monogamous by nature.” Indeed! That doesn’t necessarily mean they prescribe non-monogamy. “We are not recommending outside sex, but we are not saying it should be avoided either. The choice is entirely up to you…Outside sexual experiences when they are in the context of a meaningful relationship may be rewarding and beneficial to an open marriage.” In other words, to each their own. The bottom line is this: People deserve happy marriages and marriage shouldn’t be the one-size-fits-no-one convention it in many cases is. So, yes, I do believe this book would be an excellent conversation starter and I have plans to bring my copy along with me to the event. As for the vocabulary, that is indeed a problem. I chose the expression open marriage because it seemed like the lesser of the evils. We aren’t swingers. We weren’t poly then. Though I would describe myself that way now. So, open marriage felt like the best fit. It allows for a number of different permutations, which is exactly what I think marriage in general should do.”
Seems to me that the issues haven’t changed since the book by the O’Neills came out with their book in 1972, but the conversation about it is now more candid and direct.
Any more comments or questions in advance of our discussion on July 16? Foreplay’s good.
Open Relationships for Open Minds at the Discussion Group July 16
If you’re gearing up to celebrate Independence Day, think about how independent you are when it come to sex. My next guest at the Intimacies Discussion Group, Jenny Block, has just written a book, Open: Love, Sex & Life in an Open Marriage. It’s about sex within the confines of an open marriage. And Jenny will be talking to us about the many ups and downs she has had as well as the consequences and lessons she’s learned from having made the decision to open her marriage. It’s a decision she says just may have saved the marriage that she was struggling sexually to survive in. Participants will have plenty of opportunity to share their own stories and ask questions. If you’d like to join the converation but can’t make it on July 16, please post your stories and questions in reply to this. I’ll pass them on to Jenny and you’ll get a reply.
When we had an Intimacies Group discussion in the past on the topic of polyamory, there was a particularly high turn out. So plan to come early to get your seat. Last time, those who weren’t open to polyamory left with a much more tolerant and supportive outlook toward those who choose to have multiple loving relationships. Curious? It’s only natural. Hope to see you on July 16 at BookPeople.
From Russia, with Love…?
Falling under the category of “strange and unusual news” is an item reported by the Associated Press from Moscow about a monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, having been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk.. It’s so funny and intimate that I couldn’t resist mentioning it in this blog.
Without violating AP copyright, I can’t show the picture here, but go see for yourself the photo of the 800-pound bronze enema bag, supported by three angels and the three sexy Russian women who are proudly posed next to it. What glasnost!
The Erotic Life–Intimacies Discussion Group June 18
Join me and my special guest, Charla Hathaway of the BodyJoy Intimacy School, for a conversation about how to keep Eros strong in your daily life and nightly lovemaking. Charla’s new book, 8 Erotic Nights: Passionate Encounters that Inspire Great Sex for a Lifetime, follows her success with Erotic Massage (both from Quiver Press).
Meet Wednesday, June 18, 2008, 7 pm-8:30 pm on the third floor of BookPeople, 603 N. Lamar. Audience members will be encouraged to share their personal experiences. No charge, just bring your sense of humor and an open mind.
Got questions for Charla, ask them now even if you can't make it to BookPeople, and I'll get her answers for you.
This event is co-sponsored by The Good Life magazine and BookPeople.
Easy women and convenient relationships
A buddy, well into mid-life and divorced for many years, bragged to me about how easy it is these days for him to get laid. “When women reach a certain age, they aren’t looking for a husband anymore. They’ve been there, done that. Most women I know lead busy, independent lives. They don’t have time nor bandwidth for a serious relationship. But they still want sex and they are direct about their desires.”
Do you think he’s just making this up, or does it ring true?
This fellow has no complaints about finding women fast and easy, but other men have shared with me that they do. At least three men who come to talk about relationships at the “Intimacies” discussion group that I host at BookPeople each month, tell me that they would like to first feel some emotional connection with a woman before they go to bed with her. The women are the opposite.
Says one gal, “I don’t want to spend months becoming a guy’s best friend before I find out whether or not we’re sexually compatible. If we aren’t, then I have to break up with my best friend!”
I confess that, before I was married, I have enjoyed what I’ll call “convenient” relationships with men whom I knew weren’t appropriate partners for me in the long term, but they came in handy when I needed a little help going to sleep.
What about you? Do you think there can be a good time and place for casual sex with a reliable partner?
I’d love to hear your stories and, with your permission, reference them (anonymously of course) in the column I write for The Good Life magazine. What do you think of having a convenient, stand-in lover to fill the void when Mr. Right is overly elusive?
Karen Kreps,
Author of Intimacies: Secrets of Love, Sex & Romance
Recommendation for Intimacies from Austin’s Belly-dancing Diva, Z-Helene
I thoroughly enjoyed Karen Kreps book of Intimacies. I found it easy to read and very approachable and insightful in its contents. It reminds me again and again of the endless possibilities in relationships and the gardening that’s required to keep them blossoming. Thank you Karen!
Z-Helene Christopher
Discount for Remarkable Women’s Conference and our SEX panel.
Remarkable Women Gathering Soon!
I am a panelist at the upcoming Remarkable Women’s Conference, June 6th – 8th. Our discussion is titled, “A Call for a New Sexual Revolution,” and our time frame is on Sunday from 2:45 – 3:45. I would love to see you at our presentation.
I’m excited about the conference and being a part of it – they are really creating a first class experience for everyone involved. The conference is a fantastic opportunity to connect with resources in our community, to meet new friends and contacts and to hearing current information on relevant topics.
One of the benefits of being a speaker is that I get to give a discount to my friends. You can find more information about the conference at www.RemarkableConferences.com <http://www.RemarkableConferences.com/> and when you register just enter coupon code SPKR08 to get $20.00 off the price of registration. You do need to register online by May 15th to get the discount, otherwise the price goes up to $149.00, so act NOW. Men are welcome! The networking alone is worth the investment.
Book reviewed by Paige Lovitt for ReaderViews.com
Intimacies: Secrets of Love, Sex & Romance
Karen Kreps
Net Ingenuity Publishing (2007)
ISBN 9780979789007
Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (2/08)
Having been happily married for ten years, Karen Kreps has written a book about how to have successful relationships. She has experienced both sides of the coin. She has had her heart broken in unfulfilling relationships, and now she is experiencing a wonderful marriage. Accepting the opportunity to write a monthly relationship column, she also got to host a monthly Intimacies Conversation Group in Austin, TX. This group attracted people from a variety of backgrounds and ages to it. Each month there was a specific topic and a special guest to provide their expertise. “Intimacies” is a collection of articles that were written based upon information that was gathered from these meetings. They might include personal observations and experiences, professional advice and information about human behavior and current trends.
Marriage Mojo
I’d love to hear from the brides (and grooms)-to-be about what kind of rituals you are planning for your wedding ceremony. I’d particularly like to learn about unique innovations on traditional wedding rites and why you chose them. I’d like to include your stories in a June column I may write for The Good Life magazine. Will your wedding be officiated by a minister who is creative with the nuptials? Stories are welcome, too, from those who married some time ago about any rituals you made up or employed to inspire a successful union.
