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Flirting lessons

I took a round of opinion about what people think of flirts. We got lots of comments from those who came to BookPeople on Nov 14 for the Intimacies Discussion group.

  • I generally admire people who can flirt, I wish I could do that.They’re having so much fun. And whomever they’re interacting with is having so much fun too.
  • They are happy and outgoing, just generally interesting. You are drawn to them.
  • They are quick on their feet in conversation.
  • They’re funny and fun to be around.
  • They are fearless, make eye contact, and may use language that is more familiar than might be expected in the situation, both verbally and physically.
  • They introduce sexual tension, and show that they, like everyone, are sexual in nature. There’s a rapport, a game, a little jousting going on.

Janet Trent Moorehead, the Mojo Maker, told everyone that studies have shown that what makes someone a good flirt isn’t so much what they say, but how they say it. It’s the tone of your voice, not the words you use. What counts much more than your spoken language is your body language. Making eye contact is the key. Look at someone for a full 15 seconds. If they return your gaze, you’ll know they are open to yours. If they break it off. Go on to the next person.

You have to be quick at reading people when you flirt. It’s like dancing. You are always getting feedback if you are alert to it.

A genuine smile is also key to flirting success. Janet says that if you’re doing something you like doing and if you’re having fun, you share that sense of fun and attract others to you.

Don’t be afraid to make contact physically. You can touch someone without being sexually offensive. Tap his knee. Brush her elbow, take her hand, ask if she minds you playing with her hair. Physical touch makes you much more present with another person. It gives them a sense of who you are.

How do you feel about flirts? What flirtatious behavior works for you? Dishing it out or delighting in it when you see it?