A buddy, well into mid-life and divorced for many years, bragged to me about how easy it is these days for him to get laid. “When women reach a certain age, they aren’t looking for a husband anymore. They’ve been there, done that. Most women I know lead busy, independent lives. They don’t have time nor bandwidth for a serious relationship. But they still want sex and they are direct about their desires.”
Do you think he’s just making this up, or does it ring true?
This fellow has no complaints about finding women fast and easy, but other men have shared with me that they do. At least three men who come to talk about relationships at the “Intimacies” discussion group that I host at BookPeople each month, tell me that they would like to first feel some emotional connection with a woman before they go to bed with her. The women are the opposite.
Says one gal, “I don’t want to spend months becoming a guy’s best friend before I find out whether or not we’re sexually compatible. If we aren’t, then I have to break up with my best friend!”
I confess that, before I was married, I have enjoyed what I’ll call “convenient” relationships with men whom I knew weren’t appropriate partners for me in the long term, but they came in handy when I needed a little help going to sleep.
What about you? Do you think there can be a good time and place for casual sex with a reliable partner?
I’d love to hear your stories and, with your permission, reference them (anonymously of course) in the column I write for The Good Life magazine. What do you think of having a convenient, stand-in lover to fill the void when Mr. Right is overly elusive?
Author of Intimacies: Secrets of Love, Sex & Romance