by Karen | Aug 28, 2011 | Events, Sex and Sexuality
Karen Kreps was a featured story teller at
THE LIVING ROOM, a spoken word series produced by Amparo Garcia-Crow, bringing together a diverse group of storytellers. Enjoy an eclectic mix of stories in an intimate setting at Casa De Luz every FIRST Saturday night at the auditorium of
Casa de Luz, 1701 Toomey Road
Austin, TX 78704. The topic of the stories on Sat Sept 3, 2011 was be “
Sex Education,” and there’s no one more interesting to talk about her own sex education and how she became a sex educator than the author of
Intimacies: Secrets of Love, Sex & Romance.
Watch the video of this event. by Karen | Nov 23, 2009 | General, Posts, Sex and Sexuality
Behind closed doors in a nice South Austin neighborhood, fourteen strangers crowded into a small livingroom for a three-hour workshop on how to give a woman a sensual massage and make her feel safe and relaxed and fully surrender.
There were seven single men and two single women, including four couples, ages ranging from 27 to 77. Everyone seemed relieved to find a congenial group of normal-looking adults who were genuinely interested in learning and excited by the potential that the workshop promised.
Charla Hathaway, an erotic coach and author of the book, Erotic Massage: Sensual Touch for Deep Pleasure and Extended Arousal, welcomed everyone and explained the structure for the afternoon. There’d be an hour of introduction and discussion about sensual massage, followed by a demonstration (back, front and genital), and a wrap-up talk. She introduced herself and her model, on whom she would later demonstrate. The model was an attractive and charming young woman, totally at ease with nudity. She explained that she has been studying erotic arts in California and was very much looking forward to the massage she was about to get.
Charla put everyone at ease, elevating the energy with spiritual discussion of Tantric arts and respect for the human body. A high level of trust was established. She got everyone to share openly about what they wanted to let go of as they entered the class, what they wanted to bring into the experience and what they intended to get out of the experience. There were seven single men and two single women, including four couples, ages ranging from 27 to 77.
By the time everyone entered the massage room, circling around the table, there was so much respect in that room–between the students, to the model and teacher and for each our bodies. There was a shared sense of privilege to be privy to a very private, intimate affair, to be welcome to simply watch and or to try a couple of techniques on the model while under the careful guidance of the coach.
Charla demonstrated used of props like feathers and fur, cornstarch (yes, from out of the pantry) and oil to soothe and relax all the muscles. She got every to breathe in rhythm with the model as she explained and the model confirmed what where the most pleasurable strokes and approaches. As genital strokes were demonstrated on a live person, everyone asked respectful questions and the women shared their experiences and preferences. No massage was ever too slow. Breasts could never be massaged too much, but the nipples should be touched last. Asking permission before penetrating your lover’s body in any way was only decent.
While only the model got the massage, everyone present was touched and opened in new ways that would affect them for the rest of their adult lives.
–Karen Kreps is the author of Intimacies: Secrets of Live, Sex & Romance, and blogs at TrueIntimacies.com.
by Karen | Sep 5, 2009 | Couples, Love and Romance, Q&A, Sex and Sexuality
Q:
If you know that the person you’ve been dating for a year doesn’t want a serious relationship with you, but you still like her or him, does it make sense to keep her or him as a friend? — JP
A:
Breaking up is hard to do, especially after a whole year. But if you would prefer that your relationship with that particular person be serious–get the hell out of Dodge. It’s better to break it off right away, feel the sting of separation and recover your perspective–so you can find a new relationship with someone who can relate to you seriously. You aren’t going to change your friend’s feelings and you may only delude yourself into thinking you can, postponing or prolonging the eventual disappoint.
Some people, especially men, I think, will propose, ‘Can’t we can still be friends?’ as a way to soften the blow of an ended. It’s just the polite thing to say. Usually, after a couple agrees to split up yet remain friends, in time, priorities shift and they choose not to spend as much time with each other, they aren’t as open as before and the calls stop coming.
If, on the other hand, the lack of romantic interest is pretty mutual—if neither of you want to have a serious relationship with each other and won’t be subject to fits of jealousy or unrequited longing, you need not cut off a working friendship just because you aren’t ever going to exchange wedding vows with each other. If neither of you want more from each other than each is willing to offer, if you both agree that the match isn’t serious, you need not lose all the stability and familiarity you’ve developed together.
A key consideration is what you mean by “keep her or him as a friend.” Usually, that means eliminating the romantic or sexual component of a relationship, if it ever existed. A relationship can shift from sexual to platonic only if there is no longer a sexual attraction between you, mutual or one-sided. And an absence of mutual attraction would validate the choice to not get serious about the relationship.
A less-common option is to remain a sexual friend. You may find a sexually compatibility with someone, but not have enough going on in the other departments that you can share. Some people maintain “Friends With Benefits” as a fall back and insurance against lonely nights. But to have a sexual relationship that doesn’t restrict either party from seeking new partners, an open, polyamorous relationship, is not for the faint of heart. In order to succeed and still be real friends, you each must truly be able to see the other one get into a new relationship, you must watch your ex fall in love and you must not be jealous. If you could truly dance for joy at the marriage of your friend (to someone else), by all means maintain that friendship. But, as a real friend, you will respect the need for space and no contact, for at least half a year, if It is requested.
Be careful that you don’t use your loyalty to your friend as an excuse for not getting out, meeting new people and starting to foster fresh relationships. After a year spent dating someone, the relationship has made you a bigger person. You no longer need to feed on that former relationship to support or validate who you are. You bring yourself and all that that you’ve learned to this point to the nourish the relationships that will manifest through the years that remain stretched ahead of you.
Enjoy the Intimacies.
KK
by Karen | Aug 25, 2009 | Couples, Q&A, Sex and Sexuality
Q: My wife isn’t interested in sex anymore. We still have it for a short time a few times a week, but I don’t think she enjoys it. I find her very exciting, but she doesn’t respond. What should I do? — Andrew C.
A: Dear Andrew,
If your wife is no longer getting off, and if you have sex that frequently for a short time, it sounds as if she is simply trying to fulfill what she may feel are her conjugal duties. If she’s not reaching orgasm, but you are, the focus of your lovemaking may have shifted from an spontaneous expression of sexual attraction to getting you to climax so she can just have it over with.
Try to shift your intention. Instead of focusing on your own response, focus on hers. Making love can be more than mastubation with the help of a friend. For example, when you touch her breasts, find a way to do it that gives her deep pleasure rather than simply copping a squeeze to get your own jollies. For a while, as an experiment, make it your goal to give her a great experience, rather than being off in your own world, what’s known as a sex stupor.
Pay attention to she what she responds to and if her response is positive or negative. Listen to her grunts and groans when she makes them and feel where she’s taught or moist. Do you still spend time on foreplay? If she performs fellatio, do you reciprocate? Take your time. Make sure you are both fully ready for penetration before you engage in it. Many men have erections that stand up okay, but their sexual energy is low and they misfire on a short fuse. If your ardor isn’t radiating out your appendage, she’s not going to get a charge from having it inside of her. When you join, make sure you are connected physically in an embrace that contains her whole body and being, rather than just her genitalia.
Try various approaches, not the same old bump and grind. Ask her what she likes. She’ll clue you in, if she thinks there’s a possibility of change and you would follow through, giving it to her the way she says she would enjoy it. Be willing to role play just for fun. Some women need more time for arousal, especially as they get older. Contain your energies so that you don’t spill the juice before she’s ready to soak it up. You may have to be supportive of her even before you get it on by helping to dispel the worries of the day so she can be relaxed and open to sexual activity when you do get together. Let her know that you want to find new ways to turn her on and she’d be a fool not to take you up on the offer.
Enjoy the intimacies.
KK
by Karen | Aug 6, 2009 | Sex and Sexuality
It’s not so easy to find websites with sex positive information that isn’t pornographic nor pedantic. CARNALNATION is one I found in an adverstisement on Alternet.org.
Here’s how it describes itself:
CARNALNATION provides comprehensive coverage of entertainment for grown-ups. We at CARNALNATION embrace and honor human sexuality, and we promise to be current, consistent, and uncensored. We compile event listings; we publish original and incisive content; and we provide insightful commentary on a range of related topics from health to fashion to the latest toys. We know you take your fun as seriously as we do, so we invite you, our readers, to use CARNALNATION to realize and explore your interests, desires, and curiosities.
CARNALNATION was developed out of a compelling need to counteract those oppressive forces, whether internal or external, that stifle sexual growth, awareness, and fulfillment. We believe that sex is a vital human need and that sexuality is an important component of who we are as individuals…
by Karen | Jul 29, 2009 | Sex and Sexuality
Once considered shameful, the vibrator has become a common part of most people’s sex lives. Turns out we like sexual pleasure.
If Apple’s approval of a vibrator app for the iPhone wasn’t enough, the embrace of the once-shunned sex aid was recently confirmed by two studies from the University of Indiana (on one men, one on women), which found that 53 percent of women and 45 percent of the men between 18 and 60 have used vibrators and that those who had were more apt to safeguard their sexual health.
Liz Langley is a freelance writer in Orlando, FL, delves into the history of these sex toys and why companies that make batteries are good investments. See http://q.bz.sl.pt
