After a hiatus following the news that my publisher had gone out of business, I’m getting back into blogging about Intimacies. I’ll be cross posting to an exciting new online venue, AustinPost.org. Following is my intro article:
“Why, you’re the Carrie Bradshaw of Austin!” More than a few people said this when I told them that I wrote about “Intimacies.” I was clueless about the heroine of “Sex in the City,” since I didn’t watch much television. Eventually, I caught on. While I didn’t have Carrie’s stunning wardrobe or her lavish lifestyle, I did—for seven years—write a magazine column about love, sex and romance. I also hosted monthly meetings in Austin at BookPeople, where scores of singles and couples met to openly ask about and share tales of intimate experiences normally restricted to the privacy of the bedroom. I published a book, Intimacies: Secrets of Love, Sex & Romance.
So what made me a “sexpert”? As a single gal, I had been around but was not as promiscuous as Carrie’s friend Samantha. As a married woman, I had learned how to make love last. Last week, my husband and I celebrated our seventeenth wedding anniversary. I have experienced earth-moving multi-orgasms, and I knew also how to fake them. I was no different from many women, but I didn’t mind breaking a taboo or two. When it comes to sexual secrets, I have asked–and I have told.
Being the Carrie Bradshaw of Austin could be awkward. My photo was published in each issue of the magazine; I would meet strangers who thought they knew me. Did they think, “Oh, that’s her! I know a lot about her sexual interests!”
I enjoyed having a good excuse to ask anyone, “So, how’s your love life?” And I took notes on hedonistic behavior, seduction techniques, use of pornography, exhibitionism, polyamory and more.
The big turn on, however, isn’t about explicit sexual content. It’s about the more subtle interactions that occur between lovers and would-be lovers: the hide-and-seek, the courtship, caring and commitment—or the lack of it. Underlying all intimacy is communication that connects two entities as one. Connecting with another human being, intimately, is one of the great gifts of life.
Sadly, last January, my publisher suddenly went out of business. It was like losing a lover. But when one relationship ends, it opens the door for new ones. The AustinPost.com is replacing print, and blog posts from my own site, TrueIntimacies.com, will appear here. Share with me your Number One question about relationships, and I will send you a free e-book, A Dozen Choice Intimacies, and I’ll take a crack at offering an answer. In Austin, “Intimacies” thrive.
There’s no finer place to catch a few rays and perfect your line-free tan than Hippie Hollow on Lake Travis.
This bucolic area is a clothing-optional public park in Texas. When I mentioned that I liked going there, a friend asked if she could join me sometime. This was surprising, as she was going on seventy. She’s gone skinny dipping with girlfriends, but has never in her life been any place like a nude beach. Her husband of fifty years and her grown kids applauded her impulse to venture out with me. We packed towels, chairs, lunch and plenty of sunscreen—but no bathing suits—and off we went.
It’s a world away from the bustle of nearby Austin, a haven for those who wish to escape the rigors of modern life in a safe and comfortable nudist atmosphere. Hippie Hollow welcomes visitors from all over the world. The park of one hundred and nine acres features a steep, rocky limestone shoreline and provides some spectacular views of Lake Travis. Clothing optional means just that. You don’t have to take off your clothes. Plenty of people don’t. Only it feels a lot better in the water. And in the breeze. And in the sun.
On weekend afternoons, the rocks will be crowded with people sunning themselves with no inhibition, chatting, reading, snacking, and playing cards. Stroll past the second bathhouse and you’re in the gay neighborhood. Everywhere people are friendly, unusually so. A community has evolved that stays in touch with a forum on www.hippiehollow.com. (You’ll find directions and more information there as well.)
On that site, one denizen stated, “You can set up near others or tucked in a corner if you want to take tentative steps. As for body shape and level of attention, it’s simply not an issue. Folks you meet will be friendly and they’ve seen it all before, and there’s an infinite variety of people sun worshipping, swimming, relaxing and socializing. Just go ahead and get the first time out of the way, and you’ll be hooked.”
In my experience, there’s less of a sexual charge on a nude beach because nothing is hidden. When we wear bikinis it says, “I’ll show you most of me, but there are parts that I won’t show you, are secret.” But attitudes about being naked in public vary as much as the do the bodies on display: Rotund, lanky; with tan lines and without.
To see and appreciate the human form in all its variations is the main attraction, and some are forthright about it. One man, undressed and unnamed, says, “It’s so rare to be able to be naked with other people. I like looking at people. It’s stimulating.”
For some, to be out in nature in one’s birthday suit is only natural. “After any amount of time nude at the Hollow, I am loathe to put my clothes back on to leave,” states Jimbo9, moderator of the HippieHollow.com message board. “I hate it. I wanna be naked all the time, everywhere.”
Others find it a liberating challenge to disrobe. Gene recalls: “I used to think it was bad for a straight guy to go alone to a nude beach because I thought that people would think you were there just to gawk. Not so it seems. I felt so free taking my clothes off for the first time and nobody cared.”
Some worry about running into people they know. The first time we came there, my husband met a guy he used to work with at IBM.
Hippie Hollow used to be owned by the McGregor family and was legally a nude beach because it was on private property. When McGregor died he willed the land to Travis County, provided that it always remains a clothing optional beach. If the county ever tried to close it down, it would lose title to the property. The county makes far too much money on admission fees to do that.
At Hippie Hollow sexual activity is not just rude, it’s illegal. One can get ticketed, banned from the park, arrested or any combination of all three. Cameras are allowed, but it is a crime to take pictures without permission and for sexual gratification. This should catch a guy sitting concealed in the bushes with a telephoto lens, but should not affect couples or small groups of people openly and knowingly taking pictures of each other.
My friend was delighted by her first experience. She said, “It’s so freeing to be able to go in the water without anything on. It feels great to take a walk wearing nothing but a sarong and nothing underneath. I was glad you suggested I bring a sarong. They’re perfect when you want to cover up without effort.”
She said she’d have come much sooner, but she couldn’t find anyone with whom to go.
Jimbo9 states, “Hippie Hollow is perfect for showing up alone. After one gets comfortable with being a single party, then one begins meeting people. Meeting people in order to go to the Hollow is much more difficult.”
On our weekday morning visit, my friend and I found ourselves almost the only women there. When we showed any receptivity, men were quick to come over and chat. All left when we wished them a good day and said goodbye.
A couple of creeps made pests of themselves by walking by us repeatedly and too often saying hello. Pathetic! We’d have had a better time with more mixed company. Creeps who go there only to gawk can be real deterrents, but my friend laughed when she saw the lineup of boats motoring just beyond the buoys that rope off a swimming area. She said, “I hope they’re enjoying themselves half as much as we are.”
Omar Gallaga is the technology columnist for the Austin American-Statesman and National Public Radio. He wrote a big article about people who self publish last Easter, which featured me and my book. Now he’s blogged about the Core Conversation I hosted with Karen Rayne at SXSW. Catch his drift on his blog at austin360.com
Here at SXSW09 Interactive, Melisssa Giri interviewed Karen Rayne and myself about the Core Conversation we’ll be hosting 5 pm in room 19B at the Austin Convention Center.
Here’s a bit of what I said to Melissa: “The Internet is creating a paradigm shift in traditional sex ed. It throws open the window on sexuality and intimacy, democratizing access to new levels of understanding and skill. Just a few generations ago, the ancient teachings of Tantra Yoga were secrets shared only with select initiates. Now all one have to do is Google it to learn. The Internet has spread new Sex Positive concepts and provided in-depth discussions of polyamory. We are no longer limited to only knowing what Mommy and Daddy knew and told us about the birds and the bees or books we could find and read in private. We can learn about how other people make love, broaden our experience from the safety of our homes without risk, and adapt as much as we please in our personal lives.”
I’m delighted to announce that I’ve been invited to host a Core Conversation at the SXSW Interactive Festival in Austin, TX. It will occur Sunday, March 15, 5 pm in Rm 19B at the Austin Convention Center. The topic will be “Sex Ed Online: How Teens Self Savvy,” and joining me in presenting this hour-long conversation will be Karen Rayne, PhD. She is an expert in adolescent development and education who teaches workshops and counsels parents and teens on human sexuality.
Some of the questions I’ll be asking Karen:
1. What do teens want to know about sex?
2. How do they use the Internet to find answers?
3. Which social media tools provide the best sexual education?
4. What positive or negative impact can the Web have on teen sexuality?
5. At what ages should online use by children and teens be monitored?
6. Are parents abdicating their roles as sex educators to the Internet?
7. Does online info encourage or discourage sexual experimentation by teens?
8. What role does the Internet play in educating youth about sex?
9. Can the government regulate online sex education and should it?
10. Can online sex info be trusted for accuracy?
Thanks to everyone who commented on the SXSW panel picker in support of my proposal. They received more than 1300 panel proposals for the 2009 South by Southwest (SXSW) Interactive Festival. Most of these ideas are extremely impressive in their analysis of current (and future!) issues in the new media landscape. In lieu of a panel, I was invited to host a more intimate Core Conversation. This will have a format much like the monthly meetings I host at BookPeople. At a SXSW Core Conversation, there’ll be 30-50 people seated and standing around a round table with one or two presenters. I’m excited that Karen Rayne and I will have the opportunity to talk on this personal topic with the web developers and digital creatives who attend this conference.
Now I’m very challenged to learn more about the subject. Please share your thoughts and insights into how the Web is changing how and what adolecents know about sex and sexuality.
Karen is an advocate for giving voice to what needs to be said, even it it breaks a taboo or two. Read her blog below, ask her a question and download her free ebook, Choice Intimacies, and get satisfaction between the covers of her book.
It was our final meeting at BookPeople after a seven-year run, since our sponsor, The Good Life magazine, has ceased publication.
Watch as this site transforms over the coming weeks to take the Intimacies discussion to new dimensions.
Please tell us what you think of the book, the column or the meetings. Leave a comment below. (If comment form isn’t showing below, please click on the title of this post and it will appear in the new page.)
