What Risks Do You Take in Love?

In anticipation of the Sept 17th event at BookPeople, please send me questions for Annette del Canto, LMSW and Kelly Ann Burnett. The two therapists will be talking with the “Intimacies” Discussion Group about risks we take in romantic love.

Please share with us what you feel are some of the risks you encounter in your relationships. Are they things you avoid or are you drawn toward the risky behavior? Do many of the risks you face involve communicating some truth about yourself (such as how you feel about your partner or yourself, positive or negative)? What’s happened when you’ve taken a risk? Did you live to regret it, or was it a freeing experience?

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 I  encourage you to subscribe to my blog so you can read updates to this blog through your email. The blog always has announcements and news about upcoming meetings of the Intimacies Discussion Group at BookPeople—and MUCH MORE:  You’ll get to read comments and questions about  matters pertaining to “Intimacies” that are great for provoking new thoughts, conversation and behavior. There may even be some video messages.

To subscribe, just enter your email address in the form field on the right side of https://trueintimacies.com/wordpress. You’ll spot it a couple of inches below my photograph.

When you opt-in to subscribe to my blog–and when, and only when, I post something new on the blog, you’ll get a daily digest of the new content. No new posts, no extra email. It’s FREE and it’s fun.

Alternately, if you don’t want to get email update everytime I update the blog, but you would like to get ONLY announcements about the meetings at BookPeople, you can join the Yahoogroup to get those email reminders. Reminders are sent 10 days and 1 day in advance of the event. To sign up for that, look for the purple button below the blog subsubscription form.

I hope you’ll spurn the Yahoogroup in favor of signing up for the juicier blog subscription. In any case, I hope to see you Sept 17 at BookPeople, when we’ll be talking about “Risky Love.”

Risky Love — Come talk about it at our next meeting, Sept 17.

For August, the  “Intimacies” Discussion Group is taking a break. Our next public meeting with be Wednesday, Sept 17, 2008. The subject:  “Risky Love.”

Join The Good Life columnist Karen Kreps and two special guests, therapists Annette Del Canto, and Kelly Ann Burnett,  for a conversation on the potential pay-offs of rocking the boat and taking emotional risks.  Learn how the ability to be intimate with others goes hand-in-hand with one’s ability to care for oneself. Annette offers psychotherapy couples and individuals in all phases of relationship.

Meet Wednesday, July 16, 2008, 7 pm-8:30 pm on the third floor of BookPeople, 603 N. Lamar.  Audience members will be encouraged to share their personal experiences.  No charge, just   bring your sense of humor and an open mind.

This event is co-sponsored by The Good Life magazine and BookPeople.

Open Marriage, Then and Now

In response to the announcement about the upcoming “Intimacies” Discussion Group on Open relationships with author Jenny Block, I got this email:

“Interesting topic.

“One word-nerd suggestion:  perhaps note then that the original Open Marriage book advocated freedom in interests and communication, but not sexuality?  At least that’s my recollection from reading it, -years- back.  My thought is that the author’s intended meaning/vocabulary has shifted in popular culture, to including, perhaps even being primarily interpreted, as multiple sexual/emotional relationships.  At least “show and tell” the old book’s cover could be an interesting beginning to “class” <g>.  Thoughts?

“best,

(name withheld on request)”

I asked Jenny for a response and she sent this:

 “Thank you so much for your email. The book you are referring to, “Open Marriage” by Nena O’Neill and George O’Neill, was indeed much more about freedom in terms of communication, interests, and maintaining one’s individuality within a marriage. It does, however, devote one chapter to the subject of sex. In it, the O’Neills say some wonderful things about jealousy being a “learned response” and presumed sexual ownership of a partner being the demise of many a marriage. They explain that “Man (and we mean both sexes) is not sexually monogamous by nature.” Indeed! That doesn’t necessarily mean they prescribe non-monogamy. “We are not recommending outside sex, but we are not saying it should be avoided either. The choice is entirely up to you…Outside sexual experiences when they are in the context of a meaningful relationship may be rewarding and beneficial to an open marriage.” In other words, to each their own. The bottom line is this: People deserve happy marriages and marriage shouldn’t be the one-size-fits-no-one convention it in many cases is. So, yes, I do believe this book would be an excellent conversation starter and I have plans to bring my copy along with me to the event. As for the vocabulary, that is indeed a problem. I chose the expression open marriage because it seemed like the lesser of the evils. We aren’t swingers. We weren’t poly then. Though I would describe myself that way now. So, open marriage felt like the best fit. It allows for a number of different permutations, which is exactly what I think marriage in general should do.”

Seems to me that the issues haven’t changed since the book by the O’Neills came out with their book in 1972, but the conversation about it is now more candid and direct.

Any more comments or questions in advance of our discussion on July 16? Foreplay’s good.

Open Relationships for Open Minds at the Discussion Group July 16

If you’re gearing up to celebrate Independence Day, think about how independent you are when it come to sex. My next guest at the Intimacies Discussion Group, Jenny Block, has just written a book, Open: Love, Sex & Life in an Open Marriage. It’s about sex within the confines of an open marriage. And Jenny will be talking to us about the many ups and downs she has had as well as the consequences and lessons she’s learned from having made the decision to open her marriage. It’s  a decision she says just may have saved the marriage that she was struggling sexually to survive in. Participants will have plenty of opportunity to share their own stories and ask questions.  If you’d like to join the converation but can’t make it on July 16, please post your stories and questions in reply to this. I’ll pass them on to Jenny and you’ll get a reply.

When we had an Intimacies Group discussion in the past on the topic of polyamory, there was a particularly high turn out. So plan to come early to get your seat. Last time, those who weren’t open to polyamory left with a much more tolerant and supportive outlook toward those who choose to have multiple loving relationships. Curious? It’s only natural. Hope to see you on July 16 at BookPeople.

See http://jennyonthepage.com/openbook.html

The Erotic Life–Intimacies Discussion Group June 18

Join me and my special guest, Charla Hathaway of the BodyJoy Intimacy School, for a conversation about how to keep Eros strong in your daily life and nightly lovemaking. Charla’s new book, 8 Erotic Nights: Passionate Encounters that Inspire Great Sex for a Lifetime, follows her success with Erotic Massage (both from Quiver Press).

Meet Wednesday, June 18, 2008, 7 pm-8:30 pm on the third floor of BookPeople, 603 N. Lamar. Audience members will be encouraged to share their personal experiences. No charge, just bring your sense of humor and an open mind.

Got questions for Charla, ask them now even if you can't make it to BookPeople, and I'll get her answers for you.

This event is co-sponsored by The Good Life magazine and BookPeople.